How to Stop Holding a Grudge- Against Yourself

It’s all about letting go. Let go of the negativity about a person or something he or she did (or didn’t do). It’s hurting you much more than it’s affecting them. Just as positivity attracts positivity, negativity magnetizes negativity. So, people who also have a negative mindset are more likely to drift towards you and you to them.


Change your thoughts; change your life. Bringing positive people into your life that pick you up instead of those that suck out all of your energy (the “energy suckers”). You know the people I’m talking about- who only talk about themselves and all of the horrible things happening in their lives.


They don’t ask how your day is going. Instead, you become a sounding board for negative energy; and it’s exhausting! Kick those grudges out of your head so positivity can rent the space and move-in. After evicting grudges, you’ll have room for those who are willing to invest in YOU instead of just living there for free.


Negative self-talk can turn into a grudge against YOURSELF. It’s as though there is a person in your brain telling you “Look what you’ve done. You used to be in shape, pretty, and confident. This is all your fault and I’m never going to forgive you.” That person, however, is you!


If you tell yourself you’re not “good enough” over and over, you might actually start to believe it. Then, that grudge against yourself forces you back down where you started, sometimes even farther. It begins to literally spiral out of control, generalizing to the rest of your life. Now, you are a horrible parent, terrible at your job, worthless, and a failure without ANY proof that any of it is true! There is no evidence, only your own opinion.


Next time you tell yourself something negative or put yourself down, write the thought down on a piece of paper. Make a list. Then, take another piece of paper and line it up next to the first page, filled with negative thoughts. On the new paper, you’re going to re-word these thoughts. Take the negative statement and think about it. Is there any evidence to prove that this is true? Of course there isn’t. So, change the language and turn it into a positive statement. Next time that thought comes into your head, replace it with the positive statement. Construct a different way of thinking. So, if I were to tell myself:


“You should have never eaten that piece of cake. What is wrong with you? You are completely hopeless. No wonder you can’t do anything right. You’ve blown your healthy eating for the entire day. Might as well give up now.”


Where is the evidence that I “can’t do anything right?” I’ve done many things right in my life; so that’s invalid. What evidence is there for me to just “give up now?” By asking that voice to provide evidence that this claim is true, I’m challenging my thinking. How can this be changed and flipped to a positive thought? There are hundreds, thousands, of different ways. Here’s just one:


“It’s ok, it’s just one piece of cake on one day. It wasn’t the best choice, but you’re human. There is nothing wrong with you. You haven’t blown your diet. Focus on eating healthy for the rest of the day. You can do this, relax and stay positive.”


Try this strategy! What do you have to lose? If you want more examples or aren’t sure how to change a negative thought, send me a Facebook message (Resiliency Fitness) or write a post. It could help someone else too. No more holding grudges against yourself or anyone/anything else. Instead, let it go and make an investment in yourself.


Yours in health & resiliency,


holding a grudge

 (From “Detroit vs. Everybody” ShadyXV, 2014)



You Throw #LikeAGirl

#LikeAGirl  —-> click for video on YouTube

When I saw this video my eyes welled up and tears rolled down my cheeks. I don’t have a little girl. But, if I did, I would do everything in my power to instill in her self-confidence, strength, self-respect, the meaning of true beauty, and how to love herself enough to stand up for herself and her beliefs. I remember as a kid not wanting to be a girl. In fact, I even begged my dad to let me play football. Being a girl, to me, meant you were weak, feeble, and could never measure-up to the boys. You’d never be good at math and you’d definitely never be able to play sports with the boys. Girls just didn’t possess those skills. I was almost afraid that if I did anything “like a girl”- throw a ball, shoot a basketball, run, etc., that I would be thought of as a lesser being. I realize now that I do swing a bat like a girl, run like a girl, kick like a girl, and throw like a girl… with power, speed, and strength. That’s it. I don’t do those things “like a boy.” I do them like me.

Society puts so much pressure on girls to dress, talk, act, sit, eat, play, and behave a certain way. Then, we confuse them by saying not to do something “like a girl” as if it were an insult. It has become so incredibly difficult to instill confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth in girls, especially with all of the social media, magazines, and television shows constantly berating girls with images of how they “should” be. However, it takes one video, one force, one voice to open people’s eyes and change their perspectives. If this message can make just one person stop and  really think about the impact their words truly have, it can change the lives of so many girls. This video needs to be shared again, and again, and again…. Kindle like this can turn a spark into an inferno and transform the thinking patterns and perspectives of an entire generation. Now is the time. Our girls need us more than ever…

The Biggest Loser~ The Secret Behind The Weekly Weigh-In

Each time I watched the Biggest Loser, I remember thinking to myself: How is it possible for someone to lose 15 pounds in one week? Well, I was recently given an article that answered my question: “They aren’t.”  Recently, one of the contestants, Andrew “Cosi” Costello came forward with some shocking truths about the secrets behind this astonishing weight-loss. He said the “weekly weigh-in” was never filmed after just one week. In reality, there was up to a 25 day gap between weigh-ins. There’s a big difference between 1 week and 3 1/2.  He said exactly what I was thinking: People get inspired to get off the couch, get moving, and eat healthy, But, in the real world, when people work all week and don’t lose that kind of weight, some people feel like they’ve failed and give up. That, right there, is the problem. This misconception isn’t just caused by The Biggest Loser, but by society as a whole. I want to change that.

The reason I’m sharing this has nothing to do with creating drama or whistle-blowing. I am sharing this because of the effect I think it has on people who are trying to lose weight and get into shape in real-life. I can sense the frustration of those watching this show, witnessing people lose 10-20 pounds, while they may have lost 1 after working out and eating healthy all week. If it was me, I’d be wondering what I was doing wrong, why I wasn’t losing weight that quickly. I’d become discouraged too. That’s when the frustration leads to setbacks and eventually, giving up. It makes me really upset because it gives the world a completely distorted perception of what is possible and not possible when trying to lose weight and become more healthy. Everyone is different and everyone will lose weight at a different pace. However, for people to think that they should be able to lose 10 pounds per week or they “aren’t doing enough” just isn’t right. So, I need you to understand the implications of this so that you aren’t so incredibly hard on yourself over something that isn’t even comparable. There’s a big difference between the progress someone is able to make in 7 days vs. 25 days. Plus, the people on the show workout for an unreasonable amount of hours per day and, as it said in the article, were also extremely dehydrated before the weigh-in.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I think this show is great because it motivates and inspires others to live a healthy and happy lifestyle. It shows people that everyone can get out there, workout, and lose weight. Just keep it realistic when comparing it to your own life. You do you! Work hard, eat healthy, love life. That’s what you need to do to change your life. The inches will come off, so please, please don’t quit. You can do this…. keep it in perspective, and don’t be defined by the scale.


Setting SMART Goals

Humans. If we had to pick the one thing we hate most in the whole world, it would be change. It is just our nature. Change involves doing something different, pushes us out of our comfort zone (our favorite place to be), and honestly, requires work! However, what we don’t see is the fact that our lives change in some way EVERY SINGLE DAY. So, if that doesn’t seem like a big deal, then why do we see some changes as being monumentally out of reach to the point that even trying feels like wasted effort? Well, there are a couple of reasons: A. Only looking at the big picture. B. Seeing the goal as a means to an end rather than a process.  C. Not rewarding yourself for small changes along the way. whether you think you can

See, when it comes to fitness and living a healthy lifestyle, the change you really need to make doesn’t have anything to do with dietary restrictions, working out to the point of exhaustion, or a number on the scale. It is MENTAL change. When you can change your outlook, the way you look at your goals, and believe that you and only you are in control of your own life, everything else falls into place. I’m going to make mental change a series of posts, because as I said before, none of us like being inundated with change. We want to be successful and in control of our own lives. (Trust me, I know this for a fact. I’ve lived it)

The first catalyst to change is a decision. It is a yes or no question “Do I want to live a healthy lifestyle or myself and am I willing to make small changes to live the life I deserve?” Now if you didn’t answer “yes,” what were you thinking about? What was holding you back? See, we are hardwired to protect ourselves from change and avoid commitment. You may be thinking about all of the factors against you, speak negatively about your ability, have already determined the outcome, or don’t really know where to start. First you have to say “yes.” Then, I can show you where to start.

Have you said YES? If you still haven’t, write down why. We will tackle these in another post (or many).

OK, you’re decided to make a change. Now, you have to create a goal, a SMART goal.


First, your goal has to be specific. What do I mean by that? It has to state what you will do, how long, and how many times, let’s say, per week you will do something that leads you towards an outcome. Examples: “I will walk on the treadmill at 3.5 mph, for 30 minutes, five days per week.” Or “I will incorporate at least one serving of vegetables and one serving of fruit into each meal, 3-4 times a day, 6 days per week.”

Your goal has to be something you can measure. Why? Because you need to base your outcome on where you start and where you want to be. Looking at the walking specific statement above~ That can be measured using a calendar. Each day, when you perform that activity, you put a big star on that day. At the end of the week, you can see if you reached that 5 days per week goal. The easiest way to measure a goal of this nature is, of course, by weight. I don’t like relying on a number, but for many people, it’s a huge motivator. You have your baseline, or starting weight, and can monitor your progress very easily and even convert it into a graph. You could also calculate your BMI throughout your fitness journey or take body measurements weekly/biweekly/monthly.


This is where the “Aiming-Too-High” (aka ATH) article comes into play. Many times, people set goals so high that no human being could ever achieve. If you haven’t worked out in 10 years, don’t expect to be able to start working out 6 days a week for an hour each day. When you set unattainable goals, it’s setting you up for what you perceive to be failure. Instead, smaller goals should be set. They should be a challenge, but not so much of a challenge that they put you right back where you started. Goals should be small because at each milestone, you know you’ve achieved what you had set out to achieve. Then, you can set another goal. With each triumph comes more self-confidence, more motivation, and more self-efficacy. You know you can do it. Also, you can reward yourself! Give yourself some credit! We’ll go into this in a later article as well! 🙂

Time-Bound stopwatch-1-256328-m

When you set a goal, there has to be a starting point and an ending point (goal attainment). Without it, you lose motivation because you feel like you can just do it “whenever.” There’s no deadline, so what’s the rush, right? There’s a reason we have deadlines. So, again, make it attainable. Don’t try to lose 20 pounds in 2 weeks. Not possible. (Unless you didn’t eat or drink and exercised for hours each day….seriously, don’t do that!!)  A more attainable goal might be to lose 6 pounds in one month. So, one month from that start date is your deadline. Now, what do you have to do to make it happen? We’ll work through that too, but remember, each and every person is different. There isn’t just one way to reach your fitness/wellness goal, trust me. Find what works for you. There’s more out there than you think! There’s a soulmate workout waiting for you. You just need to find it.

So, putting that all together, you can see how important setting a goal is. Without a goal, what are you working towards? Without a SMART goal, it’s hard to develop a plan for getting there. When you write your goal, put:






along the side of a piece of paper. Then, write notes so you can tie it all together instead of trying to think about everything at once. It’s easy to get confused and lose perspective. Think of it as an outline, a guide, a tool, for writing your goals. Take it one letter at a time! Creating a SMART goal is the first step on your trip towards becoming the person you want to be…. the person you know you are.

RF_final 2

The Second “No-Time” Factor: The Non-Negotiable Schedule

Most days when I get to work, the first thing I do is make a to-do list. I’m sure the vast majority of you do the same. The first pitfall is putting too much on your to-do list….. What is at the top of your priority list? Focus on five things that day, and one of them needs to be exercise. You can’t accomplish a list of 20 things, or you’ll fee like you’ve accomplished nothing. Been there, done that! If it can wait, let it wait. Ok, that’s my rant about to-do lists. Trust me, I love them, live by them, but sometimes they get the best of me! I’m just passing on some things I’ve learned about the to-do list dangers over the years. (I know some of you are laughing because I truly do put too much on my plate most of the time. Everyone has something to work on, and that’s mine 🙂 No one’s perfect!)

Making a weekly schedule is so important when it comes to integrating exercise and proper nutrition into your lifestyle. What is the most convenient time to exercise for you? And don’t say “never,” find a half hour in your day to start with. Say, the most convenient time for you to workout is at 6:30am. Well, block off 6:30-7:00am each day on your calendar for your workout time, for the “you” time you deserve. If your time is at 7:00-7:30pm, then block that off, and so on and so forth. Make that time non-negotiable. It’s set in stone. If someone asks you to do something during that time, look at your calendar and say “Oh, you know, I already have something scheduled at that time” and coordinate another time.


The same goes for eating, and eating nutritiously. I can’t say enough about easy ways to portion out food and pack lunches.  For example, marinate and cook up a package of all-natural white meat chicken, slice it up, put it in a container with veggies (like Steamfresh) and voilà! Lunch is ready to go. The same goes for breakfast. Everyone can grab a protein bar or a yogurt and a 100 calorie pack of almonds. Each little change makes you see that it’s really not that hard to prepare for the day! Also, make a schedule for when you need to eat, and if you have to, set an alarm. If you’re like me, sometimes you get so caught up in what you’re doing you forget to eat until your body is yelling at you!

Schedule meals and snacks about 2-3 hours apart, and make sure you fuel your body at the time you have set. When you’re blood sugar drops, it causes confusion, irritability, anxiety, weakness, and many other things. Don’t let that happen. By making a schedule, you’ll avoid this dangerous eating pitfall. In my next post, I’ll talk about the important of eating often, what to eat, when to eat it, and how foods affect our mood and mental health. Each day, just like a to-do list, write out what foods you’ll eat at what time, and make those just as non-negotiable as your workout schedule. It will get easier and easier and in time, will become habit. Remember, take small steps towards this goal, and don’t try to completely uproot your life. Trust me, the pressure and anxiety it causes will eventually wear you down and you’ll go right back to old habits. If you need some templates for scheduling meals/snacks or workouts, let me know and I’d be more than happy to share those with you! I’m here to help you succeed!

Make sure you read my post about nutrition, because it has so much valuable info about the importance of eating breakfast, why you need protein at breakfast, how much protein you should be eating throughout the day, etc. It will give you some tools to put in your arsenal as you venture along on this journey.


Resiliency Is Something You Learn

Even I have to remind myself about what it means to be resilient. Resiliency is something you learn, not something you were born with. So, I really have to focus on embodying this attitude just like everyone else. If I can believe in it through everything I’ve been through, I have no doubt that anyone can. I made this and have it on my wall at home. Make one of your own and look at it everyday. Be strong. Have faith. Learn to be resilient.


Fear Less, Love More

When we put your fears aside, we make room for love to come into our hearts. Love gives us memories to cherish and strength to get through hard times. Love isn’t about you. Love is a gift that is meant to be shared. Love deeply, without fear, for love is one of life’s greatest treasures. Don’t take it for granted.