How to Stop Holding a Grudge- Against Yourself

It’s all about letting go. Let go of the negativity about a person or something he or she did (or didn’t do). It’s hurting you much more than it’s affecting them. Just as positivity attracts positivity, negativity magnetizes negativity. So, people who also have a negative mindset are more likely to drift towards you and you to them.


Change your thoughts; change your life. Bringing positive people into your life that pick you up instead of those that suck out all of your energy (the “energy suckers”). You know the people I’m talking about- who only talk about themselves and all of the horrible things happening in their lives.


They don’t ask how your day is going. Instead, you become a sounding board for negative energy; and it’s exhausting! Kick those grudges out of your head so positivity can rent the space and move-in. After evicting grudges, you’ll have room for those who are willing to invest in YOU instead of just living there for free.


Negative self-talk can turn into a grudge against YOURSELF. It’s as though there is a person in your brain telling you “Look what you’ve done. You used to be in shape, pretty, and confident. This is all your fault and I’m never going to forgive you.” That person, however, is you!


If you tell yourself you’re not “good enough” over and over, you might actually start to believe it. Then, that grudge against yourself forces you back down where you started, sometimes even farther. It begins to literally spiral out of control, generalizing to the rest of your life. Now, you are a horrible parent, terrible at your job, worthless, and a failure without ANY proof that any of it is true! There is no evidence, only your own opinion.


Next time you tell yourself something negative or put yourself down, write the thought down on a piece of paper. Make a list. Then, take another piece of paper and line it up next to the first page, filled with negative thoughts. On the new paper, you’re going to re-word these thoughts. Take the negative statement and think about it. Is there any evidence to prove that this is true? Of course there isn’t. So, change the language and turn it into a positive statement. Next time that thought comes into your head, replace it with the positive statement. Construct a different way of thinking. So, if I were to tell myself:


“You should have never eaten that piece of cake. What is wrong with you? You are completely hopeless. No wonder you can’t do anything right. You’ve blown your healthy eating for the entire day. Might as well give up now.”


Where is the evidence that I “can’t do anything right?” I’ve done many things right in my life; so that’s invalid. What evidence is there for me to just “give up now?” By asking that voice to provide evidence that this claim is true, I’m challenging my thinking. How can this be changed and flipped to a positive thought? There are hundreds, thousands, of different ways. Here’s just one:


“It’s ok, it’s just one piece of cake on one day. It wasn’t the best choice, but you’re human. There is nothing wrong with you. You haven’t blown your diet. Focus on eating healthy for the rest of the day. You can do this, relax and stay positive.”


Try this strategy! What do you have to lose? If you want more examples or aren’t sure how to change a negative thought, send me a Facebook message (Resiliency Fitness) or write a post. It could help someone else too. No more holding grudges against yourself or anyone/anything else. Instead, let it go and make an investment in yourself.


Yours in health & resiliency,


holding a grudge

 (From “Detroit vs. Everybody” ShadyXV, 2014)



You Throw #LikeAGirl

#LikeAGirl  —-> click for video on YouTube

When I saw this video my eyes welled up and tears rolled down my cheeks. I don’t have a little girl. But, if I did, I would do everything in my power to instill in her self-confidence, strength, self-respect, the meaning of true beauty, and how to love herself enough to stand up for herself and her beliefs. I remember as a kid not wanting to be a girl. In fact, I even begged my dad to let me play football. Being a girl, to me, meant you were weak, feeble, and could never measure-up to the boys. You’d never be good at math and you’d definitely never be able to play sports with the boys. Girls just didn’t possess those skills. I was almost afraid that if I did anything “like a girl”- throw a ball, shoot a basketball, run, etc., that I would be thought of as a lesser being. I realize now that I do swing a bat like a girl, run like a girl, kick like a girl, and throw like a girl… with power, speed, and strength. That’s it. I don’t do those things “like a boy.” I do them like me.

Society puts so much pressure on girls to dress, talk, act, sit, eat, play, and behave a certain way. Then, we confuse them by saying not to do something “like a girl” as if it were an insult. It has become so incredibly difficult to instill confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth in girls, especially with all of the social media, magazines, and television shows constantly berating girls with images of how they “should” be. However, it takes one video, one force, one voice to open people’s eyes and change their perspectives. If this message can make just one person stop and  really think about the impact their words truly have, it can change the lives of so many girls. This video needs to be shared again, and again, and again…. Kindle like this can turn a spark into an inferno and transform the thinking patterns and perspectives of an entire generation. Now is the time. Our girls need us more than ever…

Life Lessons from the Playground: Never Forget How to be a Kid

Sometimes, the best part of being an adult is experiencing what it feels like to be a kid again. When you’re a kid, a day free of worries or cares is normal. As an adult, that feeling is like a gift in a hectic, busy,world filled with to-do lists and responsibilities. Today, my boyfriend Jim and I decided we’d become kids again. Without a second thought, we went to the store, got a basketball, and went to play some hoops at the playground. file9951296299810We were kids again, making sweet shots, hitting nothing but net, sharing so much happiness, and reminiscing about our childhoods.  As we were laughing, running, jumping, just so incredibly happy to live life in the moment, nothing else in the world existed. Problems became mere illusions and obligations came second to concentrating on a shot I needed to make to prevent getting the “E” in HORSE 🙂 (Unfortunately, I lost, I’ll admit it!) file0001062269908

It was just FUN to PLAY. A midst our crazy adult world, today made me remember that we ALL need to make time feel like kids again. Jim is so good at helping me release all of my “have-to’s” and “must-do’s” and remember what really matters in life. Living a happy and healthy life means giving yourself permission to be spontaneous, let go of stress for the moment, laugh, forget your worries, and find time to be a kid again. file000586584069As a child, I was always outside playing; and with all of that exercise, no wonder I was so happy and full of life and energy. So, this week, find time to play. Leave “real-life” to be a kid again. Escape. Feel your heart and soul soar. Once you experience it and remember that feeling, you won’t forget it again.

RF_final 2

The Biggest Loser~ The Secret Behind The Weekly Weigh-In

Each time I watched the Biggest Loser, I remember thinking to myself: How is it possible for someone to lose 15 pounds in one week? Well, I was recently given an article that answered my question: “They aren’t.”  Recently, one of the contestants, Andrew “Cosi” Costello came forward with some shocking truths about the secrets behind this astonishing weight-loss. He said the “weekly weigh-in” was never filmed after just one week. In reality, there was up to a 25 day gap between weigh-ins. There’s a big difference between 1 week and 3 1/2.  He said exactly what I was thinking: People get inspired to get off the couch, get moving, and eat healthy, But, in the real world, when people work all week and don’t lose that kind of weight, some people feel like they’ve failed and give up. That, right there, is the problem. This misconception isn’t just caused by The Biggest Loser, but by society as a whole. I want to change that.

The reason I’m sharing this has nothing to do with creating drama or whistle-blowing. I am sharing this because of the effect I think it has on people who are trying to lose weight and get into shape in real-life. I can sense the frustration of those watching this show, witnessing people lose 10-20 pounds, while they may have lost 1 after working out and eating healthy all week. If it was me, I’d be wondering what I was doing wrong, why I wasn’t losing weight that quickly. I’d become discouraged too. That’s when the frustration leads to setbacks and eventually, giving up. It makes me really upset because it gives the world a completely distorted perception of what is possible and not possible when trying to lose weight and become more healthy. Everyone is different and everyone will lose weight at a different pace. However, for people to think that they should be able to lose 10 pounds per week or they “aren’t doing enough” just isn’t right. So, I need you to understand the implications of this so that you aren’t so incredibly hard on yourself over something that isn’t even comparable. There’s a big difference between the progress someone is able to make in 7 days vs. 25 days. Plus, the people on the show workout for an unreasonable amount of hours per day and, as it said in the article, were also extremely dehydrated before the weigh-in.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I think this show is great because it motivates and inspires others to live a healthy and happy lifestyle. It shows people that everyone can get out there, workout, and lose weight. Just keep it realistic when comparing it to your own life. You do you! Work hard, eat healthy, love life. That’s what you need to do to change your life. The inches will come off, so please, please don’t quit. You can do this…. keep it in perspective, and don’t be defined by the scale.


How Food & Nutrition Affect our Mood & Mental Health

…. and what you can do to prevent it from knocking your fitness goals off-track!

Yesterday when I spoke about importance of scheduling when you are going to eat meals or snacks, I said I would give you the information on WHY it’s so vital. I went to a workshop about food, nutrition, and mental health, and the knowledge I gained is so important for reaching your health and fitness goals. Even small changes make a big difference. In reading this, notice the signs and symptoms of hypoglycemia, why you may be overeating when you get home, the benefits of eating often, and how it connects with my last post.

A person eating a western diet comprised of foods such as processed meats pizza chips, hamburgers, meat pies, white bread, sugar, flavored milk drinks, and soda is 50% more likely to have depression. (Jacka, 2010)

However, a person with a dietary pattern made up of vegetables, fruits, beef, lamb, fish, and whole-grain foods (traditional diet), was associated with a lower likelihood of depressive and anxiety disorders. (Jacka, 2010)

vegetablesContributing Nutrition/Health Factors to Mental Health Conditions

Infrequent meals (causes hypoglycemia)

Diet low in protein (if you have a meal without protein, you are more likely to feel hungry again sooner, blood sugar will drop sooner)

Diet high in refined carbohydrates

Diet low in omega 3 fatty acids

Lack of exercise

Lack of sleep


Artificial stimulation (caffeine, video games, internet)


What Can We Do?

Benefits of Eating Often

 Prevents macro- and micro-nutrient deficiencies, which contribute to anxiety and depression.

 Prevents hypoglycemia, which contributes to anxiety and anger.

 Lowers levels of adrenaline and cortisol, which contribute to the flight or fight response.


** how often??

ALWAYS eat breakfast, and add protein to your breakfast.  This will help your blood sugar remain stable and you will be less hungry sooner. Eat meals/snacks every 3 hours.


Hypoglycemia & Executive Functioning

What is hypoglycemia?

– abnormally low/deficient amount of sugar in your bloodstreamsugar crash


Mild Signs



Increased heart rate


Increased sweating



Moderate Signs


Decreased concentration



Mental confusion

What causes hypoglycemia?

Hypoglycemia occurs when your blood sugar (glucose) level falls too low. Most hypoglycemia occurs when you haven’t eaten (when you’re in a fasting state). During digestion, your body breaks down food and creates molecules such as glucose, the main energy source for your body. Glucose is absorbed into your bloodstream after you eat, but it can’t enter the cells of most of your tissues without the help of insulin — a hormone secreted by your pancreas. When the level of glucose in your blood rises, it signals cells in your pancreas to release insulin. The insulin unlocks your cells so that glucose can enter and provide the fuel your cells need to function properly. If you are not producing glucose to fuel your cells, the effects of hypoglycemia occur.

How does it affect my mood?

Decreases attention

Decreases emotional regulation

Decreases ability to cope with stress

Increases impulsive behavior

…. and how do these four things connect?… by causing emotional eating, stress eating, overeating, and then negative self-talk. That’s why it’s so important to eat often. People who eat more meals throughout the day not only way less, but feel less stressed, anxious, and depressed. So, eat more! Yes, I said eat more! I don’t mean go out and eat McDonald’s an extra 3 times a day, but spread out your meals and keep healthy snacks on hand, just in case you feel that blood sugar drop. Your workouts will be better because you have more energy, you’ll work out more often, find less excuses, and see results!


The Second “No-Time” Factor: The Non-Negotiable Schedule

Most days when I get to work, the first thing I do is make a to-do list. I’m sure the vast majority of you do the same. The first pitfall is putting too much on your to-do list….. What is at the top of your priority list? Focus on five things that day, and one of them needs to be exercise. You can’t accomplish a list of 20 things, or you’ll fee like you’ve accomplished nothing. Been there, done that! If it can wait, let it wait. Ok, that’s my rant about to-do lists. Trust me, I love them, live by them, but sometimes they get the best of me! I’m just passing on some things I’ve learned about the to-do list dangers over the years. (I know some of you are laughing because I truly do put too much on my plate most of the time. Everyone has something to work on, and that’s mine 🙂 No one’s perfect!)

Making a weekly schedule is so important when it comes to integrating exercise and proper nutrition into your lifestyle. What is the most convenient time to exercise for you? And don’t say “never,” find a half hour in your day to start with. Say, the most convenient time for you to workout is at 6:30am. Well, block off 6:30-7:00am each day on your calendar for your workout time, for the “you” time you deserve. If your time is at 7:00-7:30pm, then block that off, and so on and so forth. Make that time non-negotiable. It’s set in stone. If someone asks you to do something during that time, look at your calendar and say “Oh, you know, I already have something scheduled at that time” and coordinate another time.


The same goes for eating, and eating nutritiously. I can’t say enough about easy ways to portion out food and pack lunches.  For example, marinate and cook up a package of all-natural white meat chicken, slice it up, put it in a container with veggies (like Steamfresh) and voilà! Lunch is ready to go. The same goes for breakfast. Everyone can grab a protein bar or a yogurt and a 100 calorie pack of almonds. Each little change makes you see that it’s really not that hard to prepare for the day! Also, make a schedule for when you need to eat, and if you have to, set an alarm. If you’re like me, sometimes you get so caught up in what you’re doing you forget to eat until your body is yelling at you!

Schedule meals and snacks about 2-3 hours apart, and make sure you fuel your body at the time you have set. When you’re blood sugar drops, it causes confusion, irritability, anxiety, weakness, and many other things. Don’t let that happen. By making a schedule, you’ll avoid this dangerous eating pitfall. In my next post, I’ll talk about the important of eating often, what to eat, when to eat it, and how foods affect our mood and mental health. Each day, just like a to-do list, write out what foods you’ll eat at what time, and make those just as non-negotiable as your workout schedule. It will get easier and easier and in time, will become habit. Remember, take small steps towards this goal, and don’t try to completely uproot your life. Trust me, the pressure and anxiety it causes will eventually wear you down and you’ll go right back to old habits. If you need some templates for scheduling meals/snacks or workouts, let me know and I’d be more than happy to share those with you! I’m here to help you succeed!

Make sure you read my post about nutrition, because it has so much valuable info about the importance of eating breakfast, why you need protein at breakfast, how much protein you should be eating throughout the day, etc. It will give you some tools to put in your arsenal as you venture along on this journey.


Fear Less, Love More

When we put your fears aside, we make room for love to come into our hearts. Love gives us memories to cherish and strength to get through hard times. Love isn’t about you. Love is a gift that is meant to be shared. Love deeply, without fear, for love is one of life’s greatest treasures. Don’t take it for granted.