How to Stop Holding a Grudge- Against Yourself

It’s all about letting go. Let go of the negativity about a person or something he or she did (or didn’t do). It’s hurting you much more than it’s affecting them. Just as positivity attracts positivity, negativity magnetizes negativity. So, people who also have a negative mindset are more likely to drift towards you and you to them.


Change your thoughts; change your life. Bringing positive people into your life that pick you up instead of those that suck out all of your energy (the “energy suckers”). You know the people I’m talking about- who only talk about themselves and all of the horrible things happening in their lives.


They don’t ask how your day is going. Instead, you become a sounding board for negative energy; and it’s exhausting! Kick those grudges out of your head so positivity can rent the space and move-in. After evicting grudges, you’ll have room for those who are willing to invest in YOU instead of just living there for free.


Negative self-talk can turn into a grudge against YOURSELF. It’s as though there is a person in your brain telling you “Look what you’ve done. You used to be in shape, pretty, and confident. This is all your fault and I’m never going to forgive you.” That person, however, is you!


If you tell yourself you’re not “good enough” over and over, you might actually start to believe it. Then, that grudge against yourself forces you back down where you started, sometimes even farther. It begins to literally spiral out of control, generalizing to the rest of your life. Now, you are a horrible parent, terrible at your job, worthless, and a failure without ANY proof that any of it is true! There is no evidence, only your own opinion.


Next time you tell yourself something negative or put yourself down, write the thought down on a piece of paper. Make a list. Then, take another piece of paper and line it up next to the first page, filled with negative thoughts. On the new paper, you’re going to re-word these thoughts. Take the negative statement and think about it. Is there any evidence to prove that this is true? Of course there isn’t. So, change the language and turn it into a positive statement. Next time that thought comes into your head, replace it with the positive statement. Construct a different way of thinking. So, if I were to tell myself:


“You should have never eaten that piece of cake. What is wrong with you? You are completely hopeless. No wonder you can’t do anything right. You’ve blown your healthy eating for the entire day. Might as well give up now.”


Where is the evidence that I “can’t do anything right?” I’ve done many things right in my life; so that’s invalid. What evidence is there for me to just “give up now?” By asking that voice to provide evidence that this claim is true, I’m challenging my thinking. How can this be changed and flipped to a positive thought? There are hundreds, thousands, of different ways. Here’s just one:


“It’s ok, it’s just one piece of cake on one day. It wasn’t the best choice, but you’re human. There is nothing wrong with you. You haven’t blown your diet. Focus on eating healthy for the rest of the day. You can do this, relax and stay positive.”


Try this strategy! What do you have to lose? If you want more examples or aren’t sure how to change a negative thought, send me a Facebook message (Resiliency Fitness) or write a post. It could help someone else too. No more holding grudges against yourself or anyone/anything else. Instead, let it go and make an investment in yourself.


Yours in health & resiliency,


holding a grudge

 (From “Detroit vs. Everybody” ShadyXV, 2014)



You Throw #LikeAGirl

#LikeAGirl  —-> click for video on YouTube

When I saw this video my eyes welled up and tears rolled down my cheeks. I don’t have a little girl. But, if I did, I would do everything in my power to instill in her self-confidence, strength, self-respect, the meaning of true beauty, and how to love herself enough to stand up for herself and her beliefs. I remember as a kid not wanting to be a girl. In fact, I even begged my dad to let me play football. Being a girl, to me, meant you were weak, feeble, and could never measure-up to the boys. You’d never be good at math and you’d definitely never be able to play sports with the boys. Girls just didn’t possess those skills. I was almost afraid that if I did anything “like a girl”- throw a ball, shoot a basketball, run, etc., that I would be thought of as a lesser being. I realize now that I do swing a bat like a girl, run like a girl, kick like a girl, and throw like a girl… with power, speed, and strength. That’s it. I don’t do those things “like a boy.” I do them like me.

Society puts so much pressure on girls to dress, talk, act, sit, eat, play, and behave a certain way. Then, we confuse them by saying not to do something “like a girl” as if it were an insult. It has become so incredibly difficult to instill confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth in girls, especially with all of the social media, magazines, and television shows constantly berating girls with images of how they “should” be. However, it takes one video, one force, one voice to open people’s eyes and change their perspectives. If this message can make just one person stop and  really think about the impact their words truly have, it can change the lives of so many girls. This video needs to be shared again, and again, and again…. Kindle like this can turn a spark into an inferno and transform the thinking patterns and perspectives of an entire generation. Now is the time. Our girls need us more than ever…

What does “perfect” look like? Unfortunately, there’s an app for that~

I came across an advertisement for “beauty apps” that can drastically change a photo to how a person “should” look. One of these apps is called “Selfie Photo Editor.” Taking a picture from your phone, you use the app to make at least 15 different changes to the photo to make the person look pretty and perfect. Without these changes, we would obviously just be plain ugly, right? It enlarges eyes, plumps lips, adds eyelashes and eyeliner, thins your face and cheeks, and will even apply a tanning filter… Seriously? Another app, “Beauty Plus” shows the photo of a young girl and different options for photo editing such as face lifts, eye enhancement, fixing “imperfect” skin, adding “beauty filters,” and a “magic brush” to finish up. Face lifts for 13 year-olds? Wow…stunned. An app called “Hot Girls Salon” is a game to “take girls who are waiting for a night on the town and make them hot-looking.” (Literally, that’s what it says.) Getting ready involves heavy makeup, perfect hair, certain “hot” clothes, and completely distorted cartoon versions of how a girl’s body is built.


**From the “Selfie Photo Editor”- by OMJ Holdings Pty Ltd (same as below)

Through my years as a school psychologist, I’ve seen the pressure girls, even elementary school girls, feel to look like women in magazines, on the internet, on TV, etc. who they see as “perfect.” Honestly, it is just heartbreaking. Our girls are just pushing to grow up too fast, wearing clothing they believe will attract boys, putting on heavy makeup, and even talking about plastic surgery. Teens are still kids! The crazy thing is that teenage girls have full access to download these apps. So, they are constantly being exposed to the underlying message that who they are isn’t good enough. Do you know what teenage girls need? They need to feel empowered, strong, and confident in who they are, just as they are. It is up to us as adults to teach and give them what they need. Without that, where do our young girls turn to for advice? Exactly~ social media, apps, magazines, etc. Yet, adults are the ones creating these apps. Something is wrong with this cycle; and it is our responsibility to stop it.

You are perfect exactly the way you are. I don’t know why the world is always telling us we have to change ourselves. Whether it’s how we dress, do our hair, or put on makeup, we’re never “good enough.” Who determines the standards for how we “should” be? Decide for yourself. Now, I believe in being classy and having self-respect in appearance and actions. Before alarms start going off in your head; I don’t mean people need expensive clothes nor need to act “prim, proper, and perfect.” Be yourself. Be you. It doesn’t matter if you make your own clothes, buy them from thrift shops, get them at the mall, or go to expensive boutiques. I think, as women, we all know how to dress to demand respect. What I’m trying to say is; cover it up ladies.

In regards to actions, I don’t think there is a “right” and “wrong” way to act (to a certain extent). You don’t need to change who you are, EVER. Who cares if someone doesn’t like you? It’s not your responsibility to make the rest of the world happy. However, I don’t think actions should be cruel or offensive to other people or in public. Ladies, when you’re out, sing out loud to your favorite song, dance, and be yourself. But, when you start swearing like a sailor and saying “F” this and “F” that, people take notice. Not in a good way. You could have the perfect makeup, the most expensive clothes, the “best” body, but when you lower the standards for yourself, the rest of the world lowers them too.

selfie 2

Have fun. Laugh and smile. Get mad. Cry. Forgive. Apologize and admit when you are wrong. Make mistakes. Fix mistakes. However, this concept society has created about “being a lady” dictates a certain way women need to be- quiet, reserved, dainty, etc. I don’t think we need to change who we are to be “a lady.” Honestly, I know I wouldn’t fall into this stereotype; and I’m fine with that. I laugh as loudly as I want, love football, playing sports, trip and fall (or get distracted rollerblading, hit a curb, and wipe out into the grass!), and will listen to whatever music I want. True, I like to dress in a way that makes me feel good, do my hair, and wear makeup. But, that’s just me! You may be completely different and just as happy! Why would we all want to be the same? We are not definitions; we are people. That’s why the constant pursuit of skinniness and dieting is so frustrating to me. It’s another definition of how a woman “should” be.

It’s ridiculous that the world holds us to certain standards. But, it’s more ridiculous society tells us that if we don’t follow these rules, serious repercussions will result. Have you ever told yourself or have someone tell you: “Well, if you’re not (fill in the blank… skinny)” or “If you don’t have (fill in the blank… perfect makeup); you’ll never find a guy, get that job, or be loved. Unfortunately, I’m sure we have all done this, including myself. What I’ve realized throughout my journey is that I needed to stop fighting, trying to change, or living to meet someone else’s standards. You are amazing, and the most important people in your life will see that. If they don’t, they aren’t worth having in your life.


The Biggest Loser~ The Secret Behind The Weekly Weigh-In

Each time I watched the Biggest Loser, I remember thinking to myself: How is it possible for someone to lose 15 pounds in one week? Well, I was recently given an article that answered my question: “They aren’t.”  Recently, one of the contestants, Andrew “Cosi” Costello came forward with some shocking truths about the secrets behind this astonishing weight-loss. He said the “weekly weigh-in” was never filmed after just one week. In reality, there was up to a 25 day gap between weigh-ins. There’s a big difference between 1 week and 3 1/2.  He said exactly what I was thinking: People get inspired to get off the couch, get moving, and eat healthy, But, in the real world, when people work all week and don’t lose that kind of weight, some people feel like they’ve failed and give up. That, right there, is the problem. This misconception isn’t just caused by The Biggest Loser, but by society as a whole. I want to change that.

The reason I’m sharing this has nothing to do with creating drama or whistle-blowing. I am sharing this because of the effect I think it has on people who are trying to lose weight and get into shape in real-life. I can sense the frustration of those watching this show, witnessing people lose 10-20 pounds, while they may have lost 1 after working out and eating healthy all week. If it was me, I’d be wondering what I was doing wrong, why I wasn’t losing weight that quickly. I’d become discouraged too. That’s when the frustration leads to setbacks and eventually, giving up. It makes me really upset because it gives the world a completely distorted perception of what is possible and not possible when trying to lose weight and become more healthy. Everyone is different and everyone will lose weight at a different pace. However, for people to think that they should be able to lose 10 pounds per week or they “aren’t doing enough” just isn’t right. So, I need you to understand the implications of this so that you aren’t so incredibly hard on yourself over something that isn’t even comparable. There’s a big difference between the progress someone is able to make in 7 days vs. 25 days. Plus, the people on the show workout for an unreasonable amount of hours per day and, as it said in the article, were also extremely dehydrated before the weigh-in.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I think this show is great because it motivates and inspires others to live a healthy and happy lifestyle. It shows people that everyone can get out there, workout, and lose weight. Just keep it realistic when comparing it to your own life. You do you! Work hard, eat healthy, love life. That’s what you need to do to change your life. The inches will come off, so please, please don’t quit. You can do this…. keep it in perspective, and don’t be defined by the scale.


Working It Out on “Live on Lakeside”

On the set of “Live On Lakeside” this afternoon with Jaime Brenkus, Hollie Strano, and Michael Cardamone! I demonstrated the “Fit Fab Four” exercises to shed those couple of winter pounds and get ready for summer! ☀️What an amazing first live show with such great people. Click the link below to see these fun and effective exercises you can do right at home:


Your Affair with Sugar: The Real Deal

A constant desire for sweets and sugar may go beyond just a simple craving. I’ve heard many people say “I just can’t help myself, I have to eat that (cupcake, cookie, ice cream, you get my point).” I’ve sensed so much frustration from clients who feel they can’t stop giving into sugar cravings. Well, the battle with sugar may go beyond a craving. I read an article in the IDEA Fitness Journal about a study conducted at Connecticut College. In this study, researchers found that, when given a choice, rats preferred Oreo cookies over rice cakes, cocaine, or even morphine! Their study supports the  theory that high-fat/high-sugar foods are addictive, and stimulate the neurotransmitters in the brain the same way drugs do. Thus, kicking the sugar habit may require strategies similar to those used when overcoming an addiction.

Finding a friend, family member, colleague, etc,, to hold you accountable and offer support when you feel an overwhelming craving is a great place to start. Replace those sweet treats in your house with healthier options. Don’t try to just go cold turkey and throw away anything with a bit of sweetness from your kitchen. You will get there! Try sugar-free chocolate pudding, replace cane sugar with Stevia, have a fruit bar instead of ice cream, or just don’t make that batch of cookies you’re craving. (Bonus: Stevia has NO calories, and is an all-natural sweetener made from the stevia plant– win, win? I think so!)Stevia With any habit or addiction, it’s important to find a replacement behavior~ When you crave cookies, cake, ice, cream, etc., find something else to do. Go for a walk, read a book, play with your kids (or dog if you’re like me 🙂 ), do some work in the garden, or call a friend. Step thinking you are “weak” or “have no control.” This thinking is counterproductive, as it can lead to emotional eating and food choice inhibition. Be proactive; you can win this battle. Step-by-step, you can prevail over sugar!




** featured sugar image above provided by

Setting SMART Goals

Humans. If we had to pick the one thing we hate most in the whole world, it would be change. It is just our nature. Change involves doing something different, pushes us out of our comfort zone (our favorite place to be), and honestly, requires work! However, what we don’t see is the fact that our lives change in some way EVERY SINGLE DAY. So, if that doesn’t seem like a big deal, then why do we see some changes as being monumentally out of reach to the point that even trying feels like wasted effort? Well, there are a couple of reasons: A. Only looking at the big picture. B. Seeing the goal as a means to an end rather than a process.  C. Not rewarding yourself for small changes along the way. whether you think you can

See, when it comes to fitness and living a healthy lifestyle, the change you really need to make doesn’t have anything to do with dietary restrictions, working out to the point of exhaustion, or a number on the scale. It is MENTAL change. When you can change your outlook, the way you look at your goals, and believe that you and only you are in control of your own life, everything else falls into place. I’m going to make mental change a series of posts, because as I said before, none of us like being inundated with change. We want to be successful and in control of our own lives. (Trust me, I know this for a fact. I’ve lived it)

The first catalyst to change is a decision. It is a yes or no question “Do I want to live a healthy lifestyle or myself and am I willing to make small changes to live the life I deserve?” Now if you didn’t answer “yes,” what were you thinking about? What was holding you back? See, we are hardwired to protect ourselves from change and avoid commitment. You may be thinking about all of the factors against you, speak negatively about your ability, have already determined the outcome, or don’t really know where to start. First you have to say “yes.” Then, I can show you where to start.

Have you said YES? If you still haven’t, write down why. We will tackle these in another post (or many).

OK, you’re decided to make a change. Now, you have to create a goal, a SMART goal.


First, your goal has to be specific. What do I mean by that? It has to state what you will do, how long, and how many times, let’s say, per week you will do something that leads you towards an outcome. Examples: “I will walk on the treadmill at 3.5 mph, for 30 minutes, five days per week.” Or “I will incorporate at least one serving of vegetables and one serving of fruit into each meal, 3-4 times a day, 6 days per week.”

Your goal has to be something you can measure. Why? Because you need to base your outcome on where you start and where you want to be. Looking at the walking specific statement above~ That can be measured using a calendar. Each day, when you perform that activity, you put a big star on that day. At the end of the week, you can see if you reached that 5 days per week goal. The easiest way to measure a goal of this nature is, of course, by weight. I don’t like relying on a number, but for many people, it’s a huge motivator. You have your baseline, or starting weight, and can monitor your progress very easily and even convert it into a graph. You could also calculate your BMI throughout your fitness journey or take body measurements weekly/biweekly/monthly.


This is where the “Aiming-Too-High” (aka ATH) article comes into play. Many times, people set goals so high that no human being could ever achieve. If you haven’t worked out in 10 years, don’t expect to be able to start working out 6 days a week for an hour each day. When you set unattainable goals, it’s setting you up for what you perceive to be failure. Instead, smaller goals should be set. They should be a challenge, but not so much of a challenge that they put you right back where you started. Goals should be small because at each milestone, you know you’ve achieved what you had set out to achieve. Then, you can set another goal. With each triumph comes more self-confidence, more motivation, and more self-efficacy. You know you can do it. Also, you can reward yourself! Give yourself some credit! We’ll go into this in a later article as well! 🙂

Time-Bound stopwatch-1-256328-m

When you set a goal, there has to be a starting point and an ending point (goal attainment). Without it, you lose motivation because you feel like you can just do it “whenever.” There’s no deadline, so what’s the rush, right? There’s a reason we have deadlines. So, again, make it attainable. Don’t try to lose 20 pounds in 2 weeks. Not possible. (Unless you didn’t eat or drink and exercised for hours each day….seriously, don’t do that!!)  A more attainable goal might be to lose 6 pounds in one month. So, one month from that start date is your deadline. Now, what do you have to do to make it happen? We’ll work through that too, but remember, each and every person is different. There isn’t just one way to reach your fitness/wellness goal, trust me. Find what works for you. There’s more out there than you think! There’s a soulmate workout waiting for you. You just need to find it.

So, putting that all together, you can see how important setting a goal is. Without a goal, what are you working towards? Without a SMART goal, it’s hard to develop a plan for getting there. When you write your goal, put:






along the side of a piece of paper. Then, write notes so you can tie it all together instead of trying to think about everything at once. It’s easy to get confused and lose perspective. Think of it as an outline, a guide, a tool, for writing your goals. Take it one letter at a time! Creating a SMART goal is the first step on your trip towards becoming the person you want to be…. the person you know you are.

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