In “girl world”, silence is golden…

Daily Prompt: A Source of Anxiety.

In girl world, silence is golden… and for some, that’s how they want it to stay…

I remember a saying from many years ago “Women should be seen and not heard.” Although this is a pre-feminist way of thinking, it’s interesting how our youth seem to unknowingly embrace it, using it to hurt other girls. Girl world is not silent behind closed doors. It is as loud as a freight train yet hidden beneath a barrage of text messages and the sheath of the internet. It can be full of hate, bullying, and ill intent that breaks down victims through words rather than actions. From what I have observed, most of these girls don’t tell anyone that they are being bullied because they think it’s embarrassing or they are afraid of the ramifications and harsher bullying. So they, the victims, become a silent voice. Instead of sticking up for themselves, they try to “please” bullies so they are in their “good graces” and accepted. What are we doing about this silence?? Are we really seeing what is going on when we aren’t looking or listening? Or are we just ignoring it? Young girls need us. Without guidance, these girls can become depressed, withdrawn, over or under eat, and their health and wellness may be at stake.

With my two backgrounds in psychology and exercise/fitness, I think that the way to protect, empower, and create resiliency from the hate is through fitness and wellness. I’m not talking about a “makeover” for these girls so that they look like supermodels and therefore will no longer be bullied. I’m talking about building inner strength and believing in their own beauty when they look in the mirror. Too often, the girls who are punished also punish themselves each day through negative self-talk and by tearing themselves apart. It’s a double-edged sword, and it needs to stop. 

Why do we need to promote resiliency in young girls? It’s a harsh world out there, and sometimes it’s hard to pick out the “mean girls” from the group. Even then, doesn’t it seem more powerful to build the confidence of our girls rather than trying to catch, find, and punish bully? You’d be looking through a lot of social media and may need to learn to be a private investigator. Let’s face it, no matter what we do, bullying is not going to stop completely. We need to build confidence in our girls so that when faced with this silent bullying, they can stop it from so intensely and negatively affecting their self-esteem (and lives). I think it’s much more effective to teach positive skills rather than punish negative actions in a situation where the actions often go unseen. The solution? Resiliency.

Fitness and wellness builds resiliency in girls:

1. A sense of community and support: Everyone needs a place where they feel safe. Having a group, organization, or club that focuses on health and wellness can create that safety. As a group, girls can having fun exercising together without being afraid of ridicule or what other people think. Together, a support system can help girls see how fun exercise can be and how amazing healthy eating habits make them feel. By creating trust and friendship, it helps them to see that they can do ANYTHING. Everyone wants to belong, and having a team that supports girls will help them believe in themselves, see how physically strong they really are, and accomplish what they never thought was possible.

2. Mentorship: Take your daughter, niece, cousin, or family friend to a fitness class, for a walk in the park, for a bike ride…….Girls need a REAL person to look up to. Here’s a scary thought: If they don’t have a mentor, a partner, a person that wants to build them up, they may see the girls on shows like “’Rich Girls of Beverly Hills” as role models. No offense, but that’s a scary thought.

3. Fighting obesity: Too often, the girls targeted for bullying are those that do not fit the “skinny standards” of our society. In fact, girls may gain more weight and lose more confidence when bullied than those that aren’t, leading to increasing numbers of obesity. I’m not saying that bullying is the reason for the rise in teenage obesity, but it sure doesn’t’t help. Obesity doesn’t just cause mental anguish; it is physically dangerous. By teaching these girls about health and wellness, it will provide them with a lifetime of resiliency and help protect them from the damaging effects of obesity. When they are able to workout, eat healthy, and get to a healthy weight, this success creates confidence through overcoming great adversity. That pride is something no one can take away, ever.

4. Loving the woman in the mirror: when we accomplish a goal or finish a workout, it makes us feel better. When we feel better, we see a happier and healthier person in the mirror. A positive reflection of oneself is so vital when battling adversity. Girls need to love who they are. It’s not based on a number on a scale, or what someone said, or how close she looks to a model (photo shopped, mind you) in a magazine, but in seeing themselves as strong, compassionate, beautiful, and then spreading that love to others.

5. Inner strength: realizing that they are capable of so much more than what their minds tell them, what others tell them, or what they are brainwashed into thinking about themselves. Building outer strength by doing just one more push-up or walking a little faster can build inner strength two-fold. Each small success creates more empowerment, more confidence, and over time, that outer strength reflects inner resiliency.

Fitness and wellness is my passion; but it’s not just a passion I hold within myself. It’s a shared passion, a passion I want to use to help create a better world and happier lives for other people. My goal isn’t to make people superstar athletes or fitness models. My goal is to show others that fitness and wellness can be a launching pad for creating resiliency and how to use that resiliency to overcome even the darkest times in life. Be healthy, love life, and be resilient~ That is the message that young girls need to hear, and that is the message I intend to give. 

Does the war with food feel like a never-ending battle?…. Now is the time to declare YOUR victory!

Food is filled with and can create an abundance of emotions. It can make you feel happy, joyful, thankful, guilty, depressed, deprived, and loved. It can bring people together, creating laughter and happiness. Food can also be someone’s worst enemy, like kryptonite, or be the source of anger and guilt. We ALL deal with it, including me! For sure! Trust me, I am not even close to perfect, and I’ve experienced all those thoughts and emotions. So, I understand and I want to help people to see that there is a way to overcome that anxiety, stress, and win your battle with food. It’s all about your plan of attack. Imagine this as a typical day:

8:00- You rush out the door, coffee in hand, and grab a donut for breakfast at work (they were up for grabs, why not!) 

10:00- The infamous sugar crash! You feel tired, lethargic, and hungry. Hello unproductive, knockin’ on your door!

 

12:00- You are starving, as in, would eat pretty much anything as long as it doesn’t kill you starving, and didn’t pack a lunch. Problem…… Solution? Drive to the nearest fast food restaurant and make a not-so-good choice from the menu because you are so hungry and that’s all you can think about. Oh, and did I mention adding fries to that?

2:00- The guilt stage. Your body does not feel like it’s been fueled properly, maybe it has just woken up from a food coma, and you still feel hungry! Then, the negative self-talk creeps in. You say to your inner self: “Ugh, you are so fat,” “You are such an idiot, why did you eat that for lunch?” “You are never going to reach your goals, so you might as well just give up.” Or maybe you’d say, “I hate myself.” “I have no self-control.” “I’m always going to be a failure.” “I am so worthless, I can’t do anything right.” Sound familiar??  (Today, you are going to stop!!) 

 

 

5:00- Because you still feel guilty about lunch, you decide that you’re only going to eat one stick of celery for dinner. That’s it. You beat yourself up to the point that you are torturing yourself and your body by not nourishing it.

8:00- The hunger pains are unbearable. Whatever, you don’t care anymore, you become irritable, your family asks if you are ok and look worried. Finally, you can’t take it anymore and just binge, eating any food you can find. Ice cream? Check! Leftover pizza? Check! Potato chips? Check! Cookies? Check! Ok, so you eat it all in about 20 minutes, not even realizing you were full. But, the hunger pains have gone away. Yay!!….. Don’t start celebrating just yet, because I think you can guess what comes next.. Yes, guilt. So, the cycle has started all over again from lunch and you go to bed just bashing everything about yourself, catastrophizing, generalizing, and wake up feeling the same way. Not the best way to start your day.

If your day looks like this, let’s take action and CHANGE it!! You can stop all of the binging and crashing by doing one thing: (drum roll please!) PLAN your eating schedule the night before, the same way you’d schedule your work day around meetings, or appointments, or deadlines. Solidify it. Let people know that this is part of your daily schedule, and if they want to have a two hour meeting at a time you’ve given yourself 20 minutes to have a snack, say you’ve already scheduled yourself to do something at that time (because you have!) and ask if the meeting can be held a half hour later. It’s a half hour. I think people can work with that. If it’s important to you, you will do it. Know you are worth it! You are amazing! You can do anything you want! Don’t let anyone or anything stop you from reaching your goals. If it helps, set an alarm on your phone or computer to let you know/remind you to eat. I’m not kidding! In our hectic lives, sometimes we need reminders even just to eat.

Now imagine if your day looked like this:

6:00- Up out of bed, early morning workout

8:00- Protein shake (or nutritious breakfast like the one I’ve showed in the next and previous posts) to take to work so when you see that donut you can walk right past it. I’d recommend a high quality shake like Shakeology!

10:30- Morning snack~ Something that feeds your brain, and helps you to think straight during the day. Try a sliced banana with about a tablespoon of almond butter, No sugar crash, no dragging, just power to boost through your morning. 

12:30- Lunch time- take a break and time for yourself to have a nutritious lunch. My recommendation is to pack lunch, but there are also healthy choices out there to pick up like Subway, fresh stir fry at the local market, or even the salad bar at the grocery store. Just watch out for the hidden danger (calories!) in salad dressings, full-fat cheese, fried meat, or croutons. Make sure it’s loaded with veggies and lean protein. Try a healthy soup on the side!

2:30-3:00- Afternoon snack! This is the time of day when people say they feel the most drained of energy. So, get some energy back through the food you eat! Don’t start pumping Starbucks through your veins! Try a sliced apple topped with American cheese, a handful of almonds, Greek yogurt, or even a protein bar (watch the labels on these!! I recommend Simply Bars or Good Greens bars. They are the best I have found. They both have protein, are low in sugar, and the Good Greens bars have your WHOLE daily serving of fruits and veggies! You can find them at www.thesimplybar.com and www.goodgreens.com. Both are gluten free, nut free, and vegan as well (for us folks that can’t eat dairy!) Also, I swear by Shakeology. It is just amazing. Your body loves you so much every time you drink this shake (plus it’s delicious!!) It’s the best daily dose of dense nutrition you can give to yourself and your family. Join the movement! www.beachbodycoach.com/dmarieonu

5:00- You’re not guilty, you’re not famished, so you are thinking straight enough to prepare a healthy meal for yourself or your family. If you have some frozen cooked shrimp, soy sauce, teriyaki or stir fry sauce, some ginger, brown rice, and tons of veggies, throw them together to make a delicious, nutritious dinner for you family or just for you!!

8:00- You can relax, unwind, and not be plagued with hunger pains. Look back at your day and reflect on the progress you’ve made, what you’ve overcome, that you truly can do anything you set your mind to, and believe in your capabilities. Go to bed feeling fulfilled at the end of the day and wake up ready to start the next day over right where it left off.

Doesn’t that sound much more enjoyable?? So, like I said, literally write out the times you are going to eat each day, what you are going to eat, set timers/alarms, and journal your progress. Foster that commitment by telling yourself, “I’m disciplined. I’m getting stronger, I can fee my body becoming healthier. I am so proud of what I’ve done and am excited for the future. I can do this, not just for me, but for the people I love.” An awesome breakfast recipe and idea for an incredibly delicious lunch will be in the next post and there are many more to come!! ❤

 

Sometimes you need to run away to get back to the person you are meant to be…

You are not your to-do list. You are not your must-dos or have-tos. You are not your job. Even if most of your day consists of meeting the needs of others, you are, mostly importantly, yourself. When you wake up, let that be your first thought. Remember it. Believe it. Even if the only way to remind yourself means running away from everything and everyone you love and cherish, do it. Sometimes running away gets you back to where you want to be. It recharges and refreshes your soul. If you can’t make time to love yourself, you can’t love anyone else.

 

Don’t feel guilty when you take time away for yourself to workout! Get rid of that negative inner voice that says you are  a bad friend, or parent, or son/daughter for taking time for you.  Have the confidence in yourself to believe that when you take the time to workout, you are being a BETTER friend, parent, or son/daughter. You are more patient, more enthusiastic, have more energy, and you are happier. It’s the truth, don’t fight it. I promise the world will survive if you have to eat leftovers because you didn’t have time to make dinner, or didn’t get clothes washed that day, or couldn’t reply to every single person’s email. Be kind to yourself. You would never be this hard on someone else, so stop doing it to yourself!

 

In order to succeed and reach your fitness goals, you have to release the self-condemnation that you’re not devoting 100% of your time to everyone else but yourself. You’re not being selfish. Just let it go. Close your eyes and visualize putting all that guilt and that negative self-talk and anything else stopping you into a red balloon and then releasing that balloon into the sky. Watch it float away, along with everything you put in it, and get away from it all to do something for yourself. The world can wait. You shouldn’t have to.

 

Find your motivation every Monday with Resiliency Fitness!

You and I are like diamonds in the sky…..

….. but remember, diamonds are not the only crystals that have worth~ Every single jewel, gem, stone, etc. is unique and each one is beautiful. The value of it isn’t determined by others; it’s determined by what it means to YOU.  Just think about it.  So, what will pressure do to you? Crush you, or make you unbreakable? You choose…..

Motivation Monday~ and it begins…..

Welcome to the first Motivation Monday~ Each Monday I’m going to post a quote, a story, a song, a link, anything meant to motivate and inspire others not just in their fitness, but overall happiness and wellness! I want to invite everyone to share something that motivates you! It may just be exactly what someone needs to change their life….. You just never know, so take the chance to connect and see how amazing it feels to inspire others! This is a quote that a student at school left for me in my office after the shootings….. It’s so powerful and moving, especially a midst the shadows of tragedy….